it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
