Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
