You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
How does it feel to date your dad?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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