whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
