I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
can u get pink eye on your cock?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
