I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
