Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
