I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
