alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
