He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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