Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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