my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Randomize
