I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
