i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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