Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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