He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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