if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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