He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Also, beer. Big fan.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Randomize
