a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
