Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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