I want to stick my p in your. b.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Randomize
