Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Randomize
