Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
