then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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