I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
