Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I forgot how hot balto sounded
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Randomize
