Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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