I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
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