Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
