So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
