I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
