honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
