names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
