I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
