he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Did I show you my penis last night?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
