Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I have feelings that need drinking.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
