if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
