Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
