Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
