just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
