Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
