I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
