I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
