I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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