Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Randomize
