Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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