I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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