"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
