Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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