LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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