piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Do you still have your period?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
honey bunches of taint.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
